Time started passing. Slowly at first, when I was still surprise-visiting friends I hadn’t seen for a long time and enjoyed western comforts like a hot shower and a fluffy blanket.
But it started running faster and faster as the frustrations of finding a fulltime job in a financial recession grew. And the daily grind, the general state of “meh”, snuck up on me.
Remember how I was writing I felt a vibration in the air, like something spiritual was upon me, like something big was about to happen, when I had just settled on Bali?
I lost that…
Even though it’s great to see my Hillywood friends (when I do) Holland isn’t giving me what I came for. And I said that if the job at the coffee-corner wasn’t going through I’d be out of here. So when they had to let me go last weekend due to too little business, I made some changes.
Like my flight date; going back to my love two months sooner (still five months too late) on July 8th.
I could stay those extra two months, to spend more time with friends and family, but it’s not like we’re going to see more of each other, be honest guys. There would just be more teary scenes in August instead of in June.
Besides, we did all those already, remember? I left for indefinite last October. Only to come back now for cleaning- and picking up my last things and to quick-feed my funds.
I said goodbye to the Netherlands, Europe, the Western world because I grew tired of that tunnel vision way of life, the each-for-their-own (no, this does not apply to most people I know, so don’t take it personal! But it does apply to most people that make up our society) and the general life-philosophy: work/money/status first, doing what makes you happy and helping others after. This competitive, individualistic, indoors life is not for me.
So I left the dull, organized, bureaucratic life of the West. And now I find myself caught in that rat-race again.
I want out. I want to do my own thing again. I want my freedom back, my flipflops; no more walls and closed doors.
I was set for the adventure of a new culture, a different pace, another time zone.
And I met someone I want to start the adventure of a family with. And skype is great, we spend a lot of time together getting to know more of each other and our future plans. But it is frustrating too; there is just nothing like the smell or touch of your significant other, missing that is driving us both mad. And building towards a future is difficult living on different sides of the globe.
Also, I’m very happy and grateful my folks are letting me stay with them. But at some point you’re just too old to be living with your parents.
It turned out going back to wealthy Europe to make money wasn’t the best idea. With unemployment rocketing skyhigh my broad but undeep experience and lack of bachelor diploma it is nearly impossible to find a job.
So to enhance my chances at finding income in Asia while we’re working towards our own paradise, I’ve stared a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course.
I’ve always entertained the idea of teaching. The memories of my weeks in Samroang, Cambodia with those eager little students, are very happy ones; a very rewarding experience! And at the time I already said I would like to do this for a longer period to actually make that difference.
Studying for it now makes me very excited to get going all over again.
To top it off I found a Dhamma Vipassana 10-day meditation/silence retreat closeby only a month after I arrive. Something I’ve been interested in since I first heard of it.
Not speaking for 10 days; a challenge for everyone I think, for me certainly. But I am very curious to what you might find out through this experience. I think I might be very enlightening.
So it would boost that spiritual vibration that I felt in the air once more, replenish my soul, mark the new era.