14 days prior to departure – March 14
So, 2 more weeks until I leave.
Yesterday I saw A Map For Saturday by Brook Silva-Braga, a documentary by a guy who quit his job as a TV-producer to travel for a year. I’d like to quote a little something from it:
“It isn’t really like a vacation where you’re racing to as many museums or as many beaches as you can. It feels more like a weekend. You didn’t have to go to work today and you don’t have to go tomorrow, so you stay out late again, sleep in the next morning and realize when you finally do wake up, as far as you’re concerned, it’s still Saturday. (…) Every day, someone is starting their eternal Saturday and someone is ending it. (…) I watch them get comfortable in a hostel room, watch them step out of the week I’ve returned to and settle into their Saturday and smile as they realize what’s ahead.”
While it scares me a bit, I feel at the same time like my trip is going to be way too short and this lifestyle is exactly the kind I’ve always aspired.
When I lived in France for half a year I realized I’m more bound to everyone and everything I have back home, than I always thought I was. The first 3 months were great. But after that, once most of my colleagues had left, I felt so lonely so often and I missed home so much. And now, seeing my friends again feels so good. But maybe my leaving again in 2 weeks strengthens that feeling.
Then again, backpacking is nothing like having a fulltime job and an apartment to spend lonely nights in.
People keep telling me it’s such a brave thing I’m doing; leaving all on my own. I feel a resentment when they say that; anyone can do it!
Then, sometimes, I do get scared now, for how I’m going to be lonely out there. But I know I will have no trouble making new friends. And I do get scared for having to figure out everything on my own in a very different culture. But certainly many have done it before me and paved a road I can surely walk on. And I do get scared of becoming a victim of robbery or whatever the hell might happen to me this time; I’ve proven to be quite a bad luck-magnet – in Lyon alone I was robbed 3 times, I’ll tell you about that some other time. But if you’re too scared of that, you just shouldn’t go, or stop living altogether; those things can happen anywhere.
It’s true that I live in a very secure surrounding with my sweet friends always around to guard me, but I’ll just have to be careful and learn to do the guarding myself.
And still I do get scared of how much I have left to do before I can leave. But I’ll figure it out, it will be fine. It just has to.
Other than that, I can’t wait!